Take your time, hurry up.

princess-of-lore:

mycheekyfinn:

official-nasa:

monilip:

dont-stop-runninggg:

knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad 

That was deep

philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

That was deeper.

common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty

xpw:

so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums. 

scre4mqueen:

omg 😂😂👌

scre4mqueen:

omg 😂😂👌

woodmeat:

"girl i told u i got the state farm insurance now bend that ass over fa me"

woodmeat:

"girl i told u i got the state farm insurance now bend that ass over fa me"

burgrs:

*eats 1,000 oranges* its fruit i won’t gain weight

dylandudicle:

a facebook picture of a screenshot of tumblr of a tweet that was originally a tumblr post

dylandudicle:

a facebook picture of a screenshot of tumblr of a tweet that was originally a tumblr post

lostequileros:

wannajoke:

That’s why China doesn’t participate in the World Cup

Omfg

lostequileros:

wannajoke:

That’s why China doesn’t participate in the World Cup

Omfg

KID : mommy, i cant sleep, there's a monster under my bed
MOM : that's silly, theres no such thing as mo- OH GOD ITS TEARING MY ARM! Just kidding, he only eats kids, goodnight!
babebraham:

go on

babebraham:

go on